Operation BB - A Story - Episode 1
'SHUT UP, you discordant ox', Professor thundered back at me.
'Udaake Nindiya....Kahan Tu Chali...', I shut my eyes, as if totally engrossed in its melody and moving my arm rhythmically,started singing even more louder.
'Aashiq, kick this idiot Jogi so hard, so that he forgets to sing for the rest of his life', Professor shouted, looking towards Aashiq but pointing towards me. 'I can't tolerate him raping such a beautiful, romantic song, so badly'.
Aashiq folded his leg to mock a kick, just to satisfy Professor.
The three of us, Aashiq, Professor and me[Jogi] were coming back home, after watching 2-5 pm show of Akshay Kumar and Saif Ali Khan starer, latest movie - 'Main Khiladi Tu Anari'. Ritz cinema hall - where this movie was showing, was a good four-five kilometers away from our homes and we were leisurely walking back home, side by side, through the Forest Road that connected the Shimla's major hub [where cinema hall was located] with our smaller township.
Silence prevailed for a while. We could hear the faint murmur of a distant bus or truck, somewhere in the lush-green, densely populated, cheel and deodar trees' forest below, using all it might to slowly move up on the steep uphill national highway.
Then, ''Churrake Dil Mera,... Goriya Chali...', now Aashiq started singing it loudly. This is the trouble with catchy songs, they are highly contagious. Once they enter your head, you can't help but keep singing or humming them all the time, until a new one replaces it.
'Now the ugly crow has started his cacophony, which is even worse then the fat ox', Professor shot back, getting even more angrier.
I burst out laughing out loud. Seeing it, Aashiq also joined me and we both started laughing - uncontrollably. Professor was trying his best not to laugh, by keeping his mouth tightly shut, but you can't remain poker faced, when you are seeing your buddies laugh out mad, unless of course, the joke is on you.
'You can also sing it, man.... No one expect us.....will hear you', I tried to cajole him, while speaking in-between bouts of laughter.
More roaring laughter.
'Ok, we will close our ears, now sing', Aashiq tried to help and placed his hands on the ears.
I followed, and placed my hands on my ears.
'Churrake Dil Mera,... Goriya Chali...', finally the hyena aka our Professor sang in such a inharmonious tone that even frogs started to run halter-shelter. .
Roaring hysterical laughter. All three of us burst out laughing so loud and so uncontrollably that our stomachs began to ache. We had to sit down on the slanting slope of a nearby tree trunk and stop looking at each other, because that was inadvertently leading to even more laughter.
After laughing out guts out, I gave my hand to Aashiq, to pull me up from the sitting position.
We started walking again.
After a while.
'What was that Take-Take scene, yaar?', Professor inquired.
Aashiq came forward facing Professor,'What did you come here thinking?', mocking anger. 'That its a film shooting going on and you can take as many re-takes as you feel like?'. Aashiq paused for the dramatic effect and made an imaginary gun by joining and folding both hands. With first fingers stretched forward like a gun's nozzle, he placed it in the middle of Professor's forehead. 'We get only ONE take in real life and if there's even a slightest mistake....thiskau, thiskau, thiskau...'. Aashiq fired three shots from his imaginary gun.
Professor pretended to be getting three shocks, limped his body, took out his tongue and dropped his head, pretending to be dead.
More laughter followed.
'Oh man, Did you see Akshay Kumar. How he fights?', Aashiq made a pose like that of a warrior in a battlefield and started talking excitedly. 'What amazing body.man. If you have a body, it should be like Akshay Kumar, else you shouldn't have a body Did you see his flexibility, yaar'.
'If you have flexibility it should be like Akshay Kumar, else you shouldn't be flexible - just like a electric pole'. I pumped him more.
'Exactly. Man, how he fights?, Round kicks, side kicks, jumps,somersaults, there he goes sliding on the floor and kicks two guys five feet away and then rotates legs and two more and then two more and then he just puts his feet on the floor and gets straight up without even using his hands. In like 5 seconds 6 guys are on the floor and he's the only one standing. Just wow man', Aashiq started talking enthusiastically. Once he starts that, the best way is to just shut up and listen.
Professor and I nodded in agreement.
'Did you see his flexibility', Aashiq joined both his arms from hands to elbow and then moved them outward and bent them horizontally while keeping them joined at the elbow. 'He stretches his legs sideways at one eighty degrees, forward stretch - one eighty degrees - just awesome, yaar. Have you seen, Chetty?', Aashiq inquired.
'Who the hell is this Chetty?', Is he related to Shilpa Shetty'. Professor asked, genuinely concerned.
'No yaar, nothing to do with Shilpa'.
Professor breathed a sigh of relief. His Shilpa was safe, for the time being, at least.
'Chetty is in fourth year of Medical College, and is in the same fourth year since three years', Aashiq explained.
'Wow man, what an intro. what a great man he is?', I mocked Aashiq by showing four fingers to Professor and then displayed three fingers, 'In fourth year.... three years...Shall we go and put some garlands on him for his mighty achievement?', I asked Professor.
'Shut up, you idiot. First listen to the whole thing. Don't open your filthy mouth until I say. Understood?', Aashiq shouted back.
'You should see his body yaar. Carved out of stone. Muscles just ripple over and his terrific flexibility. You know, a guy was standing just one or two feet away from him and Chetty moved his leg so fast, round kick, that his foot just brushed past the guy's nose and the next movement Chetty was standing normally and talking as if nothing had happened. I tell you, if he wanted, he could have just easily kicked the guy's head and he would have been lying on the floor without even knowing what actually hit him'.
'Wow, yaar', Professor exclaimed, looking impressed.
'That's not all. Eight-ten beautiful girls, medicos, that will become Doctors soon, come to him for training.', Aashiq fired his most deadly salvo at the very end.
'Really', Professor was now bowled over by Mr. Chetty.
'Forget it Aashiq. Even if you become Mr. Chetty, no girl will come to you', I exclaimed with a wicked, satisfactory grin on my face.
'Dog, you started barking again. Didn't I tell you to keep your mouth shut. Why wouldn't any girl come to me?', Aashiq placed both his hands on the sides of his waist, stood in front of me and demanded an answer. 'My face is very photogenic and people tell me I look like Salman Khan', Aashiq added emphatically.
'Because...you always start the story from the wrong end. You'll go to a girl and say - Hey, I am Mr. Chetty and I am in fourth year since THREE years. Hearing this, the girl would run away ten km from you, much before you could even start showing some of your style to her', I mimicked a few boxing punches towards Aashiq to infuriate him more.
Professor started laughing out loud.
'Dog, donkey, monkey - forget about me. You tell me about yourself. At least, I will go and say something. What about you?'. You can't even open your filthy mouth in front of a girl. Just like a big idiotic dodo you stand there and the girl laughs and giggles at you and goes away, Can't even croak out a monosyllabic - Hi....Ugly, mute frog.Tell me', Aashiq counter attacked.
'Its nothing like that. I just get mesmerized by her beauty and keep on thinking - which nice words to say to her', I tried to explain.
'Yes, you will keep on thinking for the rest of your life and by then she will get married, have two kids and then you can go and play with her kids and she will say to the kids - see your maamaji is there, play with them and I will go to shopping', Aashiq stressed the words maamaji to sting more.
'Shut up, you idiot. Next time you watch....', I got worked up by his abuse.
To be continued....